Still In Existance
by SAL-Chan
Summary: Axel wants to laugh, but it's to much of a classic tragedy that he thinks if someone really knew what had happened, they would write a play about it and make quite the lump sum of munny. Because that's just about how stupidly, tragically ironic this who


Axel doesn't have a voice anymore. A day ago there was a whisper of one, but he's used up the rest of it talking to himself. Trying to get someone - anyone's attention. Trying to talk to Sora.

The funny thing about being a Nobody, Axel thinks, is that because you where never really anyone, you really can't really _not be_ anyone anymore. Death is saved for people with hearts and minds that belong to them only, not for a remnant of a person - a shell of a former being.

It's got to be hot on this god forsaken island - because even if he can't feel it, the sun sparkles off the water in such a way that lets you _know_ it's hot. The air feels think around him - though, it's felt like that ever since they got back to the island - so it might not be the weather or the heat but Axel himself.

Now, there's a constant ache in his chest - a pressure that never leaves and never lets up and only seams to be pushing his chest and his back together. After to much motion his head hurts - his body tired and unable to follow what his mind wants it to do. His wires are crossing and corroding - there can't be to much time left in this. Can there?

Sora's sitting with Kairi - the two of them just talking. Axel can barley hear them now - like there's water in his ears, only all the time. It's stuffed itself up his nose and into his eyes too - the colors around him are dimming and fading and he can't breath - doesn't need to - and he hates it.

Kairi touches him, every so often - lightly brushing Sora's skin with her fingertips. He took her hand, carefully, and Axel felt like he would die...well, die _again_. Like someone hand hit him with his own fist, because both his fist and his face and his chest hurt. Axel wants to rip them apart - to pull at Sora and shake him. Shake him until...

...till he can-...till he can find Roxas, who's there, just under Sora's skin. He wants to peal Sora open - to find the blonde and smack him.

Kairi laughs, and Axel wants to hit her. He wants to smack her so hard that the laughter fly's from her mouth. Because he knows who's in there as well, and he knows she's happy - really, who wouldn't be happy with Roxas?

He wants to give up. Though normally not in his nature to do so, Axel knows when and where one should let go and surrender. But he's fading - and for the life of him he can't really understand why he here in the first place.

Axel wanted to point to Roxas - to say that Roxas wanted to keep him here. Then he thinks it's that witch, because she can do that kind of thing without anyone noticing.

It takes him another day to realize that it's Sora keeping him here.

He's not alone.

There are remnants of other people, other things - people that may or may not be here. Memories that the Keyblade Master collected, kept save in his mind until they started to grow old and fade. Axel's sure he sees movements of black cloaks from time to time - flashes of silver - memories of battles of the others he did call comrades ounce upon a time ago. But he's the only one with shape - with motion - with thought. It's not something he picked.

_He's still existing_.

For a Nobody, there is no death. Only No-Existence, Existence, then lack of it again. But Sora's memories are so strong - they matter so much - that with the help of he witch weather she knew it or not, Sora had managed to trap Axel in a plane of _almost_ existence - a place where he was but no one else knew it.

He wants a drink.

He wants _heat_.

That's something he misses most of all.

He didn't think that Nobody's could 'miss' something. He also didn't think that Xemnas could be killed, but Hey! Proved wrong once more. But the heat he had - the constant warmth and flame - a spark in him - was gone. His chest was concaving - lacking the spark of a real existence - killing him while he was stuck in this limbo for however long Sora could hold him here.

Axel moves till he's standing in front of them - arms crossed - searching. They're focused on each other - so in love - so connected - and Axel wants to hurt them. It's almost overwhelming and so completely frustrating because he knows he can't.

Axel speaks - curses - and the wind moves. Kairi's hair shakes, fluttering - and they both stop to blink, then laugh.

A new feeling Axel's experienced is the need to cry. To break down and hate everything but need it all the same. He wants to be or not be, but this indecisive, in-betwixt crap is more like torture then anything else.

He wants to know what he's done to deserve this. Was it because he helped the kid - or because of what he did before that - before Roxas - maybe even before the Organization. Was it something his real self did that somehow managed to piss someone off - and after being dragged through all _that_ crap, he gets stuck here because the _'powers the be but really aren't_' think it's funny?

Axel wants to laugh, but it's to much of a classic tragedy that he thinks if someone really knew what had happened, they would write a play about it and make quite the lump sum of munny. Because that's just about how stupidly, tragically ironic this who fucking situation was.

Axle laughs, another shaking of the trees and hair, because if he can't cry then he might as well laugh - because if he were in the big man's shoes, he would be laughing too.

Then, Sora looks at him.

Axel stops, and suddenly his chest almost explodes outwards - away from him. He's not looking at Sora suddenly, it's _Roxas_ - Axel can tell. If there was any Nobody Axel ever knew - if there was _anybody _Axel ever knew - he knew Roxas.

Kairi - noticing Sora's gaze, looks as well, but Axel isn't paying any attention to her. Because Sora's eyes are sparkling lightly - Roxas' color.

Axel can almost feel the worlds. '_What are you doing here?_'

The red head stares - complete shock, another new feeling - and waits until the blond highlights of the being living inside Sora start to show themselves. Axel isn't sure, for a moment, that he's really seeing this or if he's somehow become so delusional that he's just imagining it. But Kairi says Sora's name, carefully, and Axel knows that Sora's gone away. For a moment - a minuet even - the only one home is Roxas.

And he's perfect. He looks exactly the same - all somber and serious and completely without emotions, but Axel knows him best - and he knows that the glint in Roxas' eye means that he's surprised, scared, and maybe even relieved. Grateful - and with a slight twist of the heart Axel doesn't have, he thinks - maybe even happy.

Axel pulls on a smile, because he has to, because he always puts on a smile for Roxas, and says without words. '_How's it goin' kid?_'

Then Naminé turns - her eyes different as well - and Axel doesn't know weather to be happy or pissed. He instead settles for something in the middle, between ticked and charmed - letting his smile become something controlled and crazed.

Naminé says, quietly. '_Axel...How are you...I thought you were-'_

'_Can't shake me that easily_.' It still makes Axel feel wired - knowing there are words but they aren't really there. It shouldn't, he knows, but it does...

"Sora! Kairi!"

And as simple as that, they're both gone. And Axel - surprised - reached out for them - for their faces - and simply falls through their bodies, touching the last lingering presence of Roxas and Naminé along the way.

Riku's stopped. He's the only one who ever notices Axel - being the only one ever truly in the dark before. The only other one who was almost a nobody but managed to keep himself whole. Riku's staring at him - or what might look like a formless black outline - a haze - but the white haired boy brushes it off and speaks to Sora.

That's that then. Axel stands, slowly, as the trio head off toward another adventure. Carefully, Axel puts a hand to his chest, feeling the flicker of what might have been a heart beat, then turns and follows them - a shadow - to wait for the next opportunity.

Because now Roxas knows he's there - and Sora keeps looking over his shoulder - toward Axel - and Kairi leaves her other hand open, grabbing every once in a while - as if asking to hold the hand of someone whose not really there. And Axel knows that Roxas will try again - because that's who Roxas is - and because of that, even if he has to fade more and become hazy - he wont go away. He belongs to both Roxas and Sora - a friendship and a debt - and he knows that Kairi and Naminé wont let him go either. Maybe even Riku, too, considering he can't let go of darkness. Not all together. No one can.

They've recharged him. They reminded him why he's only started to go stark raving mad after 4 months of _this_. Of nothing. Of nobody.

The air's fresh against Axel skin, smelling like heat - like fire - and now, at least, Axel's alright with it.


End file.
